Thoughts: This past week, life and happiness

Life is unexpected.

I have had a hard time understanding “life”. Why are we alive? Why do we live the way we do? Is life worth the tears, the smiles, the anger?

The other day, my aunt’s boyfriend died in a car crash. Well, I did not know how to comfort her, but I did my best… whoa, life hits you like a cold bucket of water to the face, doesn’t it? This man, full of life, with a family, filled my aunt’s life with happiness, and now he isn’t here anymore… 

We all die eventually, and at times this comment is a comfort, but at other times it is a frightening statement.

The other day I went to a retreat, from my church. If you have never been to a retreat, I will describe it. There are provably other sorts of retreats, beside church ones, but the essence of a retreat is meditation, a calm wave of emotions, a sanctuary where you can let your guards down and not be afraid of anything, because you feel safe, and open, and loved, and loving.

Whenever I go on retreats, I return with a calm feeling, like somehow a piece of “me” has been peeled off, like skin peels off, in order to reveal the same me, but a newer, better me. However, this feeling always leaves me after a couple of days after returning to regular life. The commotions, the noise, the stress, the angry people feed my own angry monster, and I become, sad and bitter. How I wish that I could keep that pure me, but I don’t know how!!! 

Well, life is something that should be appreciated, because even if you think you are another person, not one person can pass through the world and not make an impact on someone else’s life. It is much better to live life in a clean manner, and not let other’s vibes affect you, unless they are positive ones. I don’t know anything, but I do know more than I knew before, and that is good.

I love you all

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