Thoughts: This past week, life and happiness

Life is unexpected.

I have had a hard time understanding “life”. Why are we alive? Why do we live the way we do? Is life worth the tears, the smiles, the anger?

The other day, my aunt’s boyfriend died in a car crash. Well, I did not know how to comfort her, but I did my best… whoa, life hits you like a cold bucket of water to the face, doesn’t it? This man, full of life, with a family, filled my aunt’s life with happiness, and now he isn’t here anymore… 

We all die eventually, and at times this comment is a comfort, but at other times it is a frightening statement.

The other day I went to a retreat, from my church. If you have never been to a retreat, I will describe it. There are provably other sorts of retreats, beside church ones, but the essence of a retreat is meditation, a calm wave of emotions, a sanctuary where you can let your guards down and not be afraid of anything, because you feel safe, and open, and loved, and loving.

Whenever I go on retreats, I return with a calm feeling, like somehow a piece of “me” has been peeled off, like skin peels off, in order to reveal the same me, but a newer, better me. However, this feeling always leaves me after a couple of days after returning to regular life. The commotions, the noise, the stress, the angry people feed my own angry monster, and I become, sad and bitter. How I wish that I could keep that pure me, but I don’t know how!!! 

Well, life is something that should be appreciated, because even if you think you are another person, not one person can pass through the world and not make an impact on someone else’s life. It is much better to live life in a clean manner, and not let other’s vibes affect you, unless they are positive ones. I don’t know anything, but I do know more than I knew before, and that is good.

I love you all


This is a Thought Stream

I haven’t posted in a long time because I have been busy with school, and homework, and watching movies, and taking care of my birds, but today I decided that I would post what I call  a “thought stream”. A thought stream is basically where I just write a stream of thoughts that have circled through my mind, and that’s just that! So here is my thought stream:

This morning I was remembering something that according to me, happened a couple of days ago, and then I realized that what I was remembering didn’t happen, I had only dreamt it! This was pretty strange because, what if some of my memories are dreams? Then I studied for biology because I am having a biology review test on Wednesday. I actually should be studying, I only have trouble with cellular respiration and DNA replication, I will study after this. I had a really good lunch, I feel my belly full, and yet I want to eat something sweet. Sweetness is my debility. My mother is watching television and she has changed the channel three times because she doesn’t like it when cancer commercials appear. Yesterday I was reading about how drinking more than 4 cups of coffee a day increases the provability of cancer in women by 100% (compared to those who don’t drink coffee). This made me nervous because I like coffee, and my mom likes coffee, and I don’t want to get sick. Hahaha, that’s funny, I don’t think anyone wants to get sick.

Hmm, I wish I could go back to simpler times. Have I lived in simple times? I don’t even know.

I am taking a psychology class, and I think it is really interesting. We talked about the way communication is being affected by technological devices. I don’t know anything anymore O_o

Well, that was depressing. I wish I was an optimist, can I jus become an optimist, just like that?

Hahaha, I hope I didn’t mess up your mood. I shall return with a more positive attitude, my friends!!