My Problem with Food

I guess most people have had problems with food.
In my family, it seems as if we have problems controlling our portions, or sometimes the quality of food we eat. This is something that has led my parents to have some physical issues, and sadly, my ten year old brother has been a victim of the vicious cycle that is gaining a ridiculous amount of weight, and then losing it, and then gaining it again.
When I was younger, and I lived in Mexico, there were many temptations, and I was overweight. Living next door to my grandparents and in a street with local food stores everywhere, I remember spending a large amount of my childhood eating.
In my family, thin people tend to be more, hmm, “liked”/”admired”, and this is why I remember learning tips about how to lose weight since I was in kindergarten. I would spend the hot afternoons doing laps around my house and drinking lots of water in order to lose weight, which was a weight loss tip that I heard in the radio, and let me tell you something, a seven year old shouldn’t spend her time worrying about how many calories she is eating. Eventually, I did loose weight, and I became more confident, and that is how the first food/ diet crisis of my life was over. I don’t remember feeling bad about eating, yet I do remember watching my mom take weight loss pill before every meal and discuss diet tips with my aunts, but I didn’t get involved in these conversations, as they didn’t seem to grab my attention anymore.
I moved to the US when I was ten years old and I began feeling self conscious again, looking at the strange new people, blond, thin, blue eyes girls made me feel a bit jealous, I was chubby, I did no sports, I didn’t even speak English, and now, another battle began. Thankfully this one passed quickly, I began running and I felt better.
In middle school I lost a lot of weight, and in high school, I felt like a failure when I compared my body to the bodies of my slimmer peers, not realizing that we had completely different body structures.
I decided to become a vegetarian. To be honest, I had thought a lot about this, could I really give up meat? Now I know that I can, and I am happier than ever. I’m not sure if it is because I don’t feel guilty about eating because I don’t eat anymore animals, or because being a vegetarian has made me feel like I can do anything.
I wrote this, with a different purpose that I will save for a different entry, but I tell myself that I can eat a slice of cheesecake without guilt be because after all food is food, and you should enjoy it while you can. This doesn’t seem to tie together, I think I ended up mixing a bunch of different ideas, but oh well!

2 thoughts on “My Problem with Food

  1. i think your comment “food is food, and you should enjoy it” absolutely fits. you can’t enjoy something you’re not paying attention to — not a movie, not a conversation, not a meal. you have chosen to be mindful of the food you eat, so you get to enjoy it. šŸ™‚

    • Thanks! Yes, well at times I have been doubtful about wether I should have the pleasure I have when I am eating, and I end up feeling guilty. But then, flavors and textures and spices, they are there to make food more enjoyable, not just fuel to keep a human going. So then, if something tastes delicious, instead of running away from it because of the guilt it used to provide me, now I enjoy it. Thanks for commenting, dear!

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